It was a lot of hard work, but he finally did it…
Superstar comedian Kevin Hart crashed every single car in his vast collection last night in a shocking protest of materialism in our modern society. As you might already know, Hart is an avid car collector with a wide array of expensive vehicles, all of which were insured so there will be absolutely nothing lost, because that’s exactly how insurance works.
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“I wanted to let everyone know that owning expensive cars is offensive to anyone who doesn’t own any, which is why I crashed all of mine,” said Hart after his last car was totaled. “Also, I need to speak with my insurance agent, if you’ll excuse me.”
Numerous smug Facebook experts proudly declared they totally knew this was going to happen one day, verifying they actually do know everything after all. Unnamed sources also confirmed what was suspected: Hart had to transfer his booster seat out of each crashed vehicle, because he only owns one booster seat.
Knowing he couldn’t possibly destroy all of his cars by himself, Hart recruited help from family members, friends, and his many servants as well as their spouses and fiancés. “I just wanted to spread the joy of hearing carbon fiber splintering right in front of your face, that’s all,” Hart told reporters.
The Orange County Demolition Derby League has penned an endorsement deal with Hart that’s reportedly worth $20.8 million in hopes of going head-to-head with NASCAR for the most beloved crash-prone motorsport in America.
Without any cars at his disposal, Hart has been bumming rides off celebrity friends. Anonymous sources have indicated several only let the comedian ride in their limousine after solemnly swearing he will not try to jump in the driver’s seat and steer the vehicle off a cliff.
