Batman’s New Motorcycle Looks Awful

There’s just so much going on here…

It’s really no secret Hollywood is in trouble. Instead of focusing on telling compelling stories people want to see, filmmakers have concentrated on more CGI, more senseless drama, and gadgets like this awful Batcycle which apparently will be featured in The Flash. That’s The Flash the movie, not The Flash the TV show. Anyway, this motorcycle looks like it has things on it just for the sake of trying desperately to look cool and it’s just so awful. Why Batman has such a hideous toy when he’s had so many cool cars is beyond me.

Which is worse: this motorcycle or the Batmobile from the Batwoman TV series?

I know some people will give me hate for trashing this new Batcycle, but it’s garbage compared to Bruce Wayne’s car we already saw from leaked photos. When it came to creating this motorcycle for the Dark Knight, it’s obvious the directive was to make it look all aggressive and over-the-top, but not with flashy rainbow paint (that’ll be saved for a sequel).

What we end up with is this monstrosity that’s so incredibly long it probably corners like a Cadillac DeVille, plus it has two wheels because that looks extra cool on the movie screen? There are two-wheeled motorcycles or tricycles or whatever, but those space the wheels out instead of putting them right next to each other like on the back end of dually. Sure, it might lend some stability for this portly three-wheeler, but it’s still ridiculous. Plus, this configuration looks like something (I won’t say what) that I’m sure the kids will pick up on quickly on their own.

Moving on, this motorcycle has lots of armor, because that won’t make it heavy and difficult to keep upright. I’m sure that’s not actually armor, and there will be some overly complicated explanation in the movie about some technology that makes laying Batman’s motorcycle down impossible or some nonsense like that. But what it won’t explain is how having an armored car protects the occupants, but an armored motorcycle doesn’t protect the rider, which is the whole point of the armor. Sigh, I’m sure some nerd will tell me it’s all about protecting the super-special engine underneath or whatever.

Oh, and this motorcycle looks to have cannons mounted on the sides, because Batman who in the comics refused to use firearms is now totally cool with that. And those won’t dramatically add to the porky curb weight of this thing, no.

This bike is obviously some stunt to get gearheads such as myself to surrender some ridiculous sum of money when The Flash comes out some time, I have no idea when and I don’t really care. But I do have to say this could be the worst Batcycle ever, or at least tied for the rider-impaling elements on the one in the other new Batman movie I won’t be seeing either.